When to Talk When to Listen

At times, we tend to speak about things we know nothing about in order to help a friend or family member who’s going through a difficult time. Often, it’s unsolicited advice that doesn’t need to be said. I guess I’m a lot like Job’s friends.

Job’s friends showed great compassion towards Job when God was testing him. Job’s friends mourned and sat in silence with him at first. But later, they just had to speak what they so expertly thought was true – even judging Job when they shouldn’t have. And like them, while our original intentions may be good, we may end up getting off track from what’s really important – just simply being there for someone in need.

I become wrapped up in my own “expert” advice. Do you? The discussion becomes more about me and how wise I am as if I really have all the answers. I take too much pride in my own wisdom and sometimes want to show that to others, unintentionally at the expense of someone else’s pain.

Sometimes, my talkative state results from an uncomfortable need to just say something or anything rather than remaining silent. At other times, I poorly handle the situation because I have my own issues to deal with instead of just being present for someone else.

For those of us who are parents, especially, I think we want to just fix the problem for them or take away the pain. Yet in reality, are we really helping or making things worse? Are we missing an opportunity for a teachable moment? Even more important in all situations, are we trusting God to take care of their needs?

Unless specifically asked or sought out for solid advice, sometimes the best thing any of us can do is just stay silent, listen, and let the hurting individual vent. Of course, we also need to respect the privacy and confidentiality of the situation if appropriate too.

Rather than rushing to speak, maybe we should show our love and concern with actions. Give them a hug. Offer to serve them by preparing a meal, running an errand, or doing a much needed task that they just can’t focus on doing themselves right now.

And instead of telling them what I think they should do, I need to remember to pray over them for God’s help, protection, divine intervention, and will in their lives.